The Bones Beneath Your Skin

The Bones Beneath Your Skin

Others have gazed at your stormy eyes
In anger, madness, even love
Before me, but none of them have seen
The deep and tender fear behind those eyes
The fear I saw when you looked at me,
Your hands tracing the contours of my throat
And I feel it too, an uncertain falter in the caresses of my hands
It is not each other we fear
But the shadows of a world we can't escape
That you fear could hurt me
And that I haven't got the strength to protect you from
Because nobody knows but me
That I have felt the bones beneath your skin

Others have pierced your moon-gripped eyes
With stares of loathing and violence
But you couldn't tremble beneath their needly pincers
The way you shook and collapsed
In the face of my earnest look of longing
You pulled me close to you
And still we grew fearful
We talked, one cold evening, of all the things we'd left unsaid
You told me you didn't want to be afraid
I am not what you fear
You are not what I fear
Still we fumble, apologetic, where others smile with bashful ease
I am terrified of your embrace
What will they do to you?

Others have seen you smile
The gentle curve of your lips entwined with a laugh
It was that smile I came to love
You smiled at me when first we met
When first we kissed, and still you smiled when first we shuddered
With recognition, a kind of internal revulsion
Your hands slid over my shoulders with the words
'It's not wrong'
And we both know that
So many hide a sin that they commit from prying eyes
Their transgressions known only to their restless hearts
And we sin not, and still must hide our blamelessness
I trace my fingers along your jaw and we both look around
Half guiltily, as if our very presence were unknown, and had best stay that way
It can't stay like this forever

No other has lain awake so many nights
Cursing their own cowardice
I can't bear to be afraid of you
The look in your eyes that mirrors my own
Sticks through me, boring its rusty path through my heaving chest
The whispered unholy benediction that blesses all our rites
'We can't get caught'
Every night I spend pacing the floor, unsleeping
Longing for your presence in the dark of a night that no foul light can pierce
To show us the ha'penny monsters that haunt our days
On such nights I have kissed your alabaster cheek
Your hands have stroked my hair unashamed of wandering eyes
Still in the abrasive light of a world of many generations
We stand awkward and silent, under scrutiny

I hold you close to me in the sanctity of the dark
Your arms grow more certain around me, here
Here we are safe for a little while
They could hurt you
I know not the prowess they posses, their numbers or their means
But I will hold you in my bones to keep you safe
For all I fear to love you unabashedly, my apologies swallowed
I fear more that my love could hurt you
You tremble in my arms
They will find out, you say, and I can say nothing
To love is not wrong, we both know, but what will they say?
When the searchlights fade, we will know
But now the sun rises and we whisper a last farewell
Covert kisses all but smothered in the secrecy of the world that surrounds us
Our blameless sin is hid,
And nobody knows but me
That I have felt the bones beneath your skin

Leaving The Forest

Leaving The Forest

One evening when my hands got cold I saw Diana's childhood sweetheart staring from a window, her smile touched a little with the agony of the aloof.
Her eyes smouldered with regret, while her children tugged at her heavy skirts that had smothered the fire in her eyes after the last quiet evening under the bittersweet stars of June.
Her eyelid bristled involuntarily, the shadow of an unshed tear pricking at it unmercifully, threatening that it would slide from her glassy eye and burn the flesh of her husband's enfolding arms.
She fled the window, the tear still unshed, whispering its quiet venom to her, a thousand might-have-beens echoing her panicked footsteps down the hallway, fleeing the oblivious arms of her quiet life.
Huddled on the back step, she remembers the arrow points that she broke off in her heart when she said good-bye, leaving the heat of a passionate forest for the safety of one solemnly erect redwood she could cling to.
She slowly makes her way inside, the tears now flowing unchecked, hissing with embers of a self-destructive love she cast away but that burns her still.
That night she goes unprotesting to her husband's bed and grasping sinew-streaked secure arms. He knows not why she cries against his shoulder, and he knows better than to ask, fearing her unbridled fear and loathing of him.
The next morning she stands by the window, gazing out across her lonely street, the arrow points worming deeper into the throbbing mass she calls a heart. The ghosts of last night's tears are still on her face, whispering her sorrow back at her.
She made her choice so long ago, to leave the banks of an uncertain stream
And yet she lies uncertain still.

Fester

Fester

You hold your head so high
And smile, or else hide behind an airy gesture
The way I do
And it's so insidious, the blisters on your heart,
That you never gave the chance to heal, so afraid they would grow worse
Or maybe they weren't really that bad, you thought
As your eyes filled with tears that you choked back
Like they would burn your flesh

You finally fell apart
Crashed and burned, the fallout showing no mercy
And you swore you wanted it to end, the way just seemed so easy
The path so quick, so sudden, so dark
You made me promise not to tell them anything
And I didn't know what to say
To lose you would be Hell
But I couldn't bear your pain and scorn,
So I ranted and sobbed
And you swore you'd let me say goodbye

I told you that there didn't have to be goodbye
There is still a light at the end of the tunnel
It'll be okay.
And you wept in my arms, telling me you didn't want me to cry
But I only cried harder, knowing that

Someone found out, and you raged at me
Thinking I'd told them, until you discovered that it wasn't me
I don't know what's going to happen now
I don't know if you'll sink deeper
Or hold on

I think it'll be okay
But still I think about losing you
And the fear and pain come back
Digging slow and anxious tunnels through the flesh around my heart
Hold on, querida
I'll be there for you
Take my hand, take anyone's hand, and just hold on
Please

Spider

Spider

The soul of a spider whispered in my ear
A creeping soul, a weeping soul
A soul so small I could hardly hear

This little soul spoke lyrical words
Some singing words, some ringing words
Some words of flight and some of birds

A little spider crept through my head
A humbled soul, a crumbled soul
It whispered to me I was dead

This little soul bewitched me so
A magic spell, a tragic spell
To make me wonder what I know

The spider tip-toed through my mind
Searching through it, lurching through it
And feared the things that it would find

It spun a web within my skull
A spiral web, a viral web
Infecting me and this little soul

The spider danced within my brain
A drunken dance, a sunken dance
That made my thoughts pour in like rain

A spider whispered in my ear
With magic words, with tragic words
And left my mind so far from here